The only person you can change is Yourself...

I wrote this in 2006. I ran across it today and realize that five years ago I was making a lot of sense! :)


The only person you can change is Yourself…

My closest friends know that I’ve been on this journey of self-discovery and of trying to improve my outlook on life. As part of this journey, I started reading anything I could get my hands on that would aid me on my quest. It’s been a mixture of self-help, spiritual, and personal memoir books that have had the biggest influence. I’ve always been that girl that would come to your rescue and try to make the pain go away. I would be your biggest fan and cheerleader if that is what I thought you needed to feel better. I wouldn’t do it because I was stroking your ego, I would do it because I do believe that sometimes people on the outside can see your strengths better than you can. The advice that I give always comes from the heart and is me authentically trying to help you in the best way I know how.

However, I find that the more I read the more I discover that I can’t really help people if I keep coming to their rescue. Sure, you could do it a few times to help people get out of whatever mess they find themselves in at that particular moment but if you find that your friend is in the same situation over and over again you aren’t really helping them anymore. At some point, the person has got to realize that there is a reason why they keep ending up in the same situation. Although I can’t fix your problems for you I can tell you some of the things I’ve learned from ending up in the same situation time and again.

If you find yourself in the same rut (whether it be a financial, a relationship, or a spiritual crisis) then it’s because you haven’t learned the lesson. In life, no matter what you are doing there is always something to be learned. If you keep doing the same things and wonder why nothing has changed it’s because you keep doing the same things. Try something different. You have nothing to lose by trying it. It’s kind of like that movie Ground Hog Day where the same day kept repeating only this isn’t the movies it’s your life.

If you feel resentment and ill feelings towards people then my advice to you is that you should pray for them and their well-being. Now don’t freak out that I said the word prayer. I may not be religious but I do pray every night before I go to sleep. I was raised Catholic so I do pray to God but you could pray to whatever deity you find yourself spiritually connected to. Sometimes it isn’t even a prayer but a conversation that I have where I share my thoughts with God.

Through this process I’ve learned that if you do feel resentment and ill feelings towards another individual it’s usually because there is something that I need to work on. The fact of the matter is that resentment stems from envy. And envy shows its face in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it could be a simple critique of someone that stops me in my tracks because I realize that the only reason I am criticizing another person is to somehow make myself feel better. It’s basically a red light indicating to me that this is what I need to work on next.

Sometimes the simple act of just accepting the situation you are in makes you feel better. If you keep saying I don’t think it’s ever going to get better then it won’t. You have to believe that it will get better and you have to put your energy and take action into making it better for yourself. No one can make it better for you.

There are times that I feel criticized by individuals that I consider my closest friends. There are times that I am around people that are very negative and I can honestly say not one positive thing comes from their mouth. There are times when I find myself wanting to go and rescue the friend that is in despair because they can’t see that they put themselves in the situation they are in once again.

The rescuer in me wants to help you but I’ve learned that sometimes to truly help a person you have to let go and let the situation run its course. Let go and let God. Sometimes it means that I have to take care of myself and not help you. Sometimes the cheerleader needs someone to cheer for them. All relationships are about give and take and evolve and change throughout your life.

In life, I’ve learned that sometimes you may not always get what you want but you get exactly what you need at the time. You just have to learn to say Thank You no matter what you receive.