Celebrating You

This one was about my mom. I wrote it 5 years ago. Every year my relationship with my mother changes and how I reflect on it changes as well...


Celebrating You
September 25, 2007 - Tuesday

It's 21 years today since you passed away. I spent the day at work busy just doing my thing. I thought of you this morning as I drove in to work and although the day was beautiful and productive there were moments when nostalgia crept in to visit.

The last few years have been different from the rest. Today especially I felt that in order to honor you and your life dear mother I needed to celebrate and be happy.

As I looked in the mirror this morning I saw your reflection in me. I laugh now at the thought of how many years I spent trying to not look like you. In your absence, you left an empty space with lots of questions and not enough answers. I admit that for years I didn't realize that I was trying to be different and as I ran across a photo of you in your youth the other day, it brought a smile to my face to see that for a brief moment I saw myself in you.

Many times people have looked at me and said, 'You look so much like your mother'. So many times I have felt my heart ache a little bit when those words spilled out of their mouths. I wonder if they know that everytime they say those words I am reminded of your absence. Of how short your life was and yet the imprints on my soul are permanent.

So I chose today to remember all my happy moments with you...

My happiest memory of you is you listening to your favorite music on the record player like 'El Puma' or 'Lola Beltran' and grabbing me by the arms and twirling me around the house.

I also remember the time that you were learning to drive and everyone was afraid to get in the van except my cousin Jessie and I. We drove around visiting family and sharing a good laugh at your driving skill or rather lack thereof. It was a project that was soon put to rest and many were happy that you decided not to pursue this endeavor.

I remember the times that you would bake cakes in the kitchen and all the hours that you spent carefully decorating and detailing them for friends weddings or quinceaneras. The smell of sweet vanilla would permeate the house for hours.

I also remember Christmas time and us making tamales. Sometimes you would make too much and would contemplate throwing the masa on the rooftop like my grandmother had done at one time when she was tired of cooking.

I remember you baking your famous sugar cookies during that time as well. They were so good that many family members still talk about them today.

I remember your laughter and how it echoed through the house bringing joy to all who heard it.

I remember the nickname that my uncle gave you, 'Doña Fierros' which meant 'Iron Lady'. He said that you were as strong as iron. It would make you laugh each time he said it.

So on this day I cherish the memories of your life. I appreciate the stories that I have learned about you since your passing. And as this day comes to a close I wanted to let you know that this day was spent laughing, recalling, dancing and smiling.

~Risa del Mar 9/2007